Stay at home…..Pregnant Lady?

So, I got laid off yesterday. I was very shocked and caught off guard and had A LOT of emotions.

1st was shock, I knew something wasn’t right when I walked into the room and there was my boss and THE boss, but I never got that pit in my stomach feeling? I just listened and accepted it.

2nd was sadness. I have been working there for 5 years and made so many really good friendships. I feel that it is rare to work somewhere and get kind of excited to go to work the next day. I also loved all the Dr.’s that I worked for, they were smart and funny and great Dr.’s that were always willing to teach. I was sad that I won’t be able to keep up on the knowledge that I have gained from working there. I feel so much more prepared to have my baby because I worked where I worked. But, mostly sad because I am going to miss all of my friends, they all took such great care of me and genuinely cared about me and my family.

3rd was understanding. The last 2ish weeks that I have been working there I have been miserable, and unhappy, I felt depressed being there and didn’t understand why things were getting so hard for me at a place that I loved so much before. Now I understand, I was being prepared for this, so that when it happened it would be a little bit easier to take. Which I am thankful for, beyond words.

4th was anger. Without going into many details, I felt as though it was handled poorly, there are so many other things they could have done before getting to this point and the reason they are in debt has NOTHING to do with me and the other nurses that are going to be affected in some way or another. Not to mention that my “severance” is getting paid for what I worked and then 1 more pay period, that’s it. My health insurance is done Sept. 1st. So they didn’t really help much. They had a Dr.’s meeting yesterday morning and made the decision and then laid me off that afternoon. The other nurse they laid off has been working there for 12 years, just had a baby and they CALLED her to tell her, yes called her on the phone, they may as well have texted her. The anger kind of goes on and on……

5th was comfort. Luckily I have a job opportunity to work for my aunt in about a month, it doesn’t pay much but it is something. It will be something that I will do from home so that I can be home with Reese, which is what I have always wanted. Thankfully for Obama care, which I probably won’t ever say again, I can be on my parents insurance until I am 26. Also, knowing I am not the only one in charge of my life, Heavenly Father is and he knows it will be okay. I think that is why I never got that pit in my stomach feeling. Knowing that I have a very smart and loving husband who has made it clear throughout our marriage that he is going to take care of  our family. I have the most wonderful family on both sides and I know that they are there for us through anything. A feeling that everything will be okay, how, I don’t know? But the feeling is there.

6th was anxiety. How in the devil are we going to survive and pay our bills and be able to eat still? How, without any money from me coming in are we going to be able to pay the 20% that the insurance doesn’t? What I am going to do for the next 12 weeks till the baby comes? What am I going to do for the next 12 weeks till the baby comes without spending money? Are they going to reimburse me for the $85.00 I spent on shirts to wear to work? Are they going to let me spend the rest of my cafeteria plan money or have they already put a hold on my card? Am I really going to turn into the cat lady?

7th was freedom. I have the chance to spend more time at home, to organize and clean to prepare for baby girl. I can support my siblings more, I will be able to go to their games. I will be able to support Dustin by going to watch the girls play soccer and him coach. I will be able to go to the temple. I will be able to help with church things they send sign up’s for every week. I will be able to spend more time with friends. I will be able to serve more. I will be able to go on walks and stay healthy.

8th was guilt. For some reason last night I had this overwhelming feeling of guilt. Like I was just a useless member of our family now. I’m not bringing any money in, but will have to spend it. I don’t want Dustin to feel like I am just living it up being at home all day and doing whatever I want having the best time of my life, while he is working 3 different jobs for our family to stay a float. I don’t want people to think that I got laid off because I wasn’t a hard worker and didn’t do a good job. I don’t want to receive unemployment from the government because I feel guilty doing it, even though I qualify. I don’t want to tell anyone because I don’t want them to judge me.

So moral of this blog post is, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I am just going to keep a positive attitude and pray and enjoy being pregnant and having a baby. That’s all I have much control over. Oh and I am going to eat the really unhealthy mac-n-cheese that I made last night, because it made me feel better.

Peace out dogs