Feelings

I have many feelings lately, it’s like an emotional roller coaster at this point in my life. It is kind of driving me crazy! I am not pregnant again this month, it was sad and frustrating. I really don’t like being an emotional wreck, if anyone knows me, for the most part, I am very laid back and pretty even keel all the time. Lately that is not the case! I find that things that people say can make me feel great and calm or make me upset and feel depressed. I think that when someone has a problem in their life everyone wants to be the one to solve the problem, they want to be the one that the person thinks of when the trial is over. 9 times out of 10 all the person needs is a hug and I love you or I’m sorry.

I have heard “just relax and it will happen”, I am relaxed, I usually am, that’s not the problem. “You are young, once you have kids your life changes completely, live it up” I am totally aware that we are young and that our lives will change but we are ready for that. Once you have the urge to be a mom there is no other thing on the earth that can take that craving, if you will, away. Not even the thought that Dustin and I will be more restricted and have more expenses, I realize all these things, and I want every single one of them. “You should move to Provo, it’s in the water out there” Well I live in Herriman, so that’s not gonna work. “It took my sister 3 years to get pregnant” In my emotional state I hear that as, Suck it up it hasn’t been that ling yet. Thank you for the encouragement, I am going to go crawl in a hole now. “Well my daughter, or sister, or aunt, or friend did this and that etc..” Those things are definitely not helping, I don’t need anyone to solve my problem, there is nothing anyone else can do. I just need a hug, or a friendly text saying you love me, that is worth 1,000,000 words!

I have a couple friends that have struggled having children in their lives, the ones that have, saw that I needed a hug and that is all it took. One in particular has gotten pregnant many times and miscarried every time, she had to deliver a baby that she carried for 5 months. Then she adopted and after about 6 months or so, his mom wanted him back and that was that. She is still childless and struggles with that everyday. She has had an awful time with this, she never 1 time said, well you haven’t been through anything like I have, but been nothing but supportive and a friend to me through the last couple months.

I do not want this to make people feel awkward to talk to me about this, I actually wanted this to make it easier for people to talk to me about this. Sometimes people feel awkward and don’t know what to say in situations that are hard for others, and I am here to say you don’t have to say anything. Talking about it is something that helps and sharing experiences helps and just knowing that you have people on your side helps.

I love my Heavenly Father so much for comforting me and creating a plan that that will make all my dreams come true. I have no doubt in my mind that we will have children someday and that is because I have prayed and felt that. I am so lucky.

I love all my family and friends that are being so amazing to me, and letting me be a little drama queen, even though I hate it SO much! I love you all so much and thank you for being the stunning people you are!

(no more pouty posts this month, I promise!)